There are cries only a father hears...

Last Friday, in Asbury University’s chapel, I had the privilege of sharing some of what I have been learning about the Father’s heart of God. I was thankful for the opportunity, but in preparation, I realized that there was so much that I was learning that had to be ‘cut’ because it couldn’t be contained in 30 minutes. I also realized that my learning is just beginning and will continue over time. Thus “Fatherhood Fridays” was born! My goal is to give Cydil a break one day a week and put my thoughts into writing. Sometimes they will be well thought out and sometimes more raw and stream of conscious, but always I will try to give an honest reflection of our journey.

I think one of the hardest parts of writing this weekly will be deciding which topic to cover next. I already have a ‘OneNote’ notebook of 9 ideas for future posts, but last night as I was getting up to change Reni’s diaper and coax him back to sleep at 2AM, a brand new truth hit me – There are some cries only a father hears.

David Reni and I have had a strong bond from the beginning. I think a lot of it had to do with the last two weeks in Albania post-orphanage when it was just us two guys (see archives August 4-22, 2010). When we were reunited with Cydil and Ellie about 6 months ago, Reni took a while to accept comfort from anyone but me. Honestly it was exhausting! I was the only one able to get him to sleep (or back to sleep multiple times a night). Cydil tried, but usually his crying only intensified. When handed off to me, however, he would relax and almost magically fall back to sleep. I know that stage was difficult for Cydil, and I am glad that Reni loves on and clings to his mommy now without reservation!

Currently Reni is experiencing his 5th round of double-ear infections and is waking throughout the night even more than usual (tubes are coming March 7!). In fact, he hasn’t slept through the night one time since coming home in August. Normally he is up three times a night. It has become our ‘new norm’ and is part of the reason I am getting my money’s worth out of my new Keurig coffee maker! Sometimes we can let him cry a little and he will go back to sleep, but because we live in a student center and often have guests staying in the room right below Reni, I need to respond quickly to his cries. I am the one normally responding because somehow, Cydil usually sleeps through it even with the monitor in our room. Nearly every morning Cydil asks, “How was he last night?” and I give my report. Ellie is also in a sleepless stage right now and last night she climbed into bed with Cydil and I. It is easier for everyone to sleep if I just move to her room, so after tucking her in beside her sleeping mommy, I climbed into Ellie’s very pink but comfortable bed.

The problem with this arrangement is that the monitor remains in our room where Cydil is sleeping peacefully, so I have to be extra vigilant to respond to the crying though walls and doors. That brings us to 2AM.

I heard Reni crying, but was hopeful that maybe it would wake Cydil this time and she would tend to him. You see, I was comfortable, warm, and tired. I was already put out of my own bed, and I thought I DESERVED a little more uninterrupted sleep! Then I heard it.

“Daddy!”

Can’t you call for Mommy?

“Daddy! Drink!”

Drink?! That will mean another full diaper and another time awake!

“D-a-a-a-d” followed by tears.

It was about this time that I realized that I was the only one hearing his cries and if his needs were to be met, it would be by me. My love for Reni compelled me out of bed and into his room where I changed his diaper and went to the kitchen to give him a little more to drink. He was already back asleep by the time I got back with the bottle, so I gently closed his door and climbed back into a very pink bed. But before I went back to sleep myself, I realized. Reni didn’t need a drink. He just needed daddy!

God, thank you for hearing my cries when no one else does, and for hearing the cries of spiritual and physical orphans! Help me to hear their cries as well and give me your heart to love them. Thank you for not caring for us grudgingly as I often care for Reni and Ellie. Thanks for giving up your place of comfort to come to us here on earth. Thank you for giving us exactly what we needed – a daddy!

Nathan wishes he had the luxury of naptime each afternoon. Sweet dreams, buddy.