To Elbasan and Back

Today happened.  I've wondered for months what it would be like.  Then it came, and now it's gone.

Unlike the dry, hot summer of 2010, our trip across the mountains to Elbasan found us driving through fog and/or falling snowflakes.  Steamed up windows clouded the breathtaking view of Albania's best feature: her mountains.  Instead of one child to corral, I had two, egging each other on with chants of "Go car, go!" or renditions of "Jingle Bells" (spurred on by visions of snow).

When we arrived (in a steady rain), our greeting did not disappoint.  My FAVORITE Sister (sorry, I have a favorite) opened the gate and my heart and my face smiled.  God was so good to let me see her again.  Then we looked up and in spite of the rain and cold, the windows from the playroom opened upstairs and Duzi and some children peered out and cried, "Oh! Reni!  Oh Reni!"

We went inside and dropped our items to give greetings and hugs.  Reni looked around a bit bewildered.  Ellie was pulling on our arms saying, "I want to see the babies!  I want to see the babies!"

Eventually we made it upstairs to 'the playroom' and tried to get Reni to relax a bit more.  Instead of warming up to all of the faces looking at him, he tensed up even more.  Refusing to let us even take his coat off.  While we'll never know his mind for sure, several of us believe he thought we might be dropping him off.  He clung to us for all he was worth.  I felt badly for Duzi, but she seemed to understand.  It was a bit overwhelming to know where to start.  I wanted to visit with the Sisters and caregivers, see which children we recognized and inquire about the ones who were gone.  I told you in my last post about Joel (who needs a family).  They were anxious for us to see him, photograph him, video him, etc.  Meanwhile, there were kids grabbing at our camera, pulling on pants, and one who was repeated banging his head into our legs for attention.

We had brought Reni's prosthetic legs along, but it was clear he wasn't comfortable enough to be set on the ground to show off his mobility even without his prosthetics.  After about 20 minutes and Nathan eventually sitting down on the floor with him, Reni relinquished his grip and ventured a short distance away to pick up some large legos.  As soon as another child came and set himself down in Nathan's lap, Reni stormed over and told the child, "That's MY daddy!"

A few of the kids were pretty curious about Reni and were touching his hair and clothes, at which point Reni started whining, "They're touching my hair!  They're touching my body!"

We brought a copy of Reni's Adoption book for the orphanage and everyone was quite curious to look though it, checking out photos of those who were at the orphanage at that time and seeing how much everyone had changed in the last 18 months (Reni left Elbasan on August 13, 2010 -- almost exactly 18 months ago to the day).

Before we left, Reni relaxed a bit more and allowed Sister Mary Faustina to hold him briefly, though when he thew himself backwards in her arms to look at the ceiling fan, she remarked, "Oh Reni!  We have forgotten how to hold you!"  (Which, if you've ever held him before, there is a nack for holding a top-heavy child, lacking the full length of his legs).  Can you believe that she still (correctly) remembered exactly which was his bed?

I was so, so glad to think to invite Duzi with us to lunch.  I would find out later that it would mean the world to her.  No other adoptive family had taken her out to a restaurant, ever, not to mention it gave us more time with her alone and a chance for Reni to interact with her outside of the orphanage.

If you are more recent to our story, Duzi was Reni's godmother at his baptism when he was about a month old.  She chose his Christian name, David, which she believed was prophetic for Reni (that he would someday dance before the Lord like David danced). Duzi believed that investing one's special attention and love on one child who really needed it was a gift.  She told me again today, "... not the cutest child, but the child who really, really needed to know he was loved."  I believe that when we met him, Reni knew he was loved by at least one person, Duzi, and her love transformed him.  It gave him confidence, it taught him how to receive love and give it in return.  I told her today that her gift has allowed him to have healthy relationships with people and will ultimately allow him to have a relationship with his Heavenly Father.

She told me today that it took her heart a year to grieve Reni's departure.  I told her that we knew he grieved the transition from Albania to our family for at least 1 month (in spite of having about a month of twice daily visits with him before custody). She told us though that seeing him today was the best medicine for her heart because she could see that he was happy and thriving, and that his development exceeded her expectations.  We met our friend, Kerri (a dear missionary friend to Albania from South Africa whom we met shortly after our arrival in Elbasan in 2010), after we left the orphanage and she sweetly translated for me with Duzi over lunch.

Kerri told me that Duzi kept saying how very happy she was that we came today. Her gratitude and happiness was so evident and that made the trip so worth it (though that was not necessary for us to consider the trip of value, it was still worth it for us to express OUR thanks to the ladies at the Sisters of Charity home).

One thing I took away from today was the power of saying, "Thank you."  I know that not every international adoptive family has the means or opportunity to return in person with their child.   But even if a visit isn't possible, I know updates are deeply appreciated, as several times this morning the ladies conveyed their appreciation for the various photos we have sent them of Reni over the past year and a half.  I can only imagine that as a caregiver who invests herself emotionally in the lives of the children for whom she cares, it must be so hard to hand those children off to virtual strangers and never see them again, and in most cases, never know what happens to them.  In returning to say "thanks" we wanted these women to know that their work is appreciated -- that it is not in vain -- that they have the power to influence a child so much during a pivotal time of development.  I was sobered to hear Duzi tell us that in her nearly decade-long tenure we are the only family (international or domestic) who has ever come back and said "thank you." I tried to explain that there are many, many reasons why families do not return or can not return... and that doesn't mean they are not grateful.  However, if you've considered doing it and can do it -- you won't regret it!  And you'll most definitely give a gift greater than you can understand.

Reni eventually warmed up to Duzi and was soon joking and laughing with her.  My heart was smiling -- no, bursting that she could see our son as himself, and that she could be the recipient of the smiles and jokes and teasing that we get to experience every day  -- his precious personality for which she had prepared the soil and planted the seeds and until then, she had not gotten to fully enjoy. At one point, they held hands and danced in their chairs while Reni sang, "I like to move it, move it!"  Now, two and half years later, she got to hear the child she named say his name, in a voice until now, she had never heard utter words.

Over lunch she shared with me how her experience taking care of children has opened her up in new ways to understanding God's love.  I told her that adopting Ellie and Reni taught me new things about understanding God's love for me too; how he pursued me and loved me, special needs and all, and paid a large price for me.  It was a precious point in the conversation with her and I wished so much that we could have had more time to keep talking.

Before long, it was time to say goodbye -- the children were tired and we needed to return to Tirana for other appointments.  We dropped off Kerri and Duzi and climbed back up the mountain road in our faithful VW van, through the snow and fog, eventually descending again, this time into a rainy Tirana.  The next time I return to Elbasan, it will likely be via the 'new road' and tunnel through the mountain which will cut a 90 minute trip by 2/3.  Albania, Albania -- how you constantly change!  But thank goodness, some things remain the same.

First arriving in the entryway of the orphanage...

Receiving a card from his orphanage friends ... they also gifted him with a piece of cloth from one of Mother Teresa's robes (worn at one time by her)!

Checking out Reni's adoption book (above)

The little guy above, was struggling to walk 18 months ago.  Not anymore!

The little boy above is a real peanut -- a whole year older than Reni, but quite a bit smaller and just as sweet. Nevertheless, he's really grown and progressed a lot since last year.  Click here to see a photo of him in Mom Waggoner's arms in 2010.

Oh my goodness -- the fella above... last year, Ellie truly thought his name was "Yo"  (the Albanian word for 'no').  That's because we (and every other adult around him) was telling him, "Yo! (no!)"  This year he seemed to be much calmer, and even more charming. I think Nathan would have stuffed him in his backpack and brought him home with us!

This (above) is JM!

Nathan couldn't find his boots at first...

A familiar sight... a Sister came up to me and told me that Ellie told her the little guy at the far right (with dwarfism) was her favorite.  Perhaps she's grown fond of little boys with short legs since she was here last? :-)

Oh, how I love this woman!  I probably won't see her again until heaven... (below) I wish we had a video of this kiss!

Duzi peruses our gift to her -- a photo book of Reni with a photo a month since we brought him home.

Reni enjoys some board books given to him by Duzi.

We had a little bit of time to kill before any restaurants opened for lunch at 12, so we went to the hotel where we stayed and had a coffee.  Here Reni is 'running away' from Duzi.

We eventually made it over to the restaurant for lunch -- it was worth the wait!  YUMMY!  Have you ever had a thick slice of cheese coated in sesame seeds, pan fried and served with a side of cherry preserves?  It was so good!!!

 Our crew at lunch.

Some reading that complements this post:

On the pain of being a temporary mama:
http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2011/12/what-i-want-you-to-know-being-temporary.html

http://www.wearegraftedin.com/4216/no-fear/

On the power of being loved:
http://www.wearegraftedin.com/3999/her-nannys-love/