Blerta Gets Married Day 1

Most of you know in a previous life I photographed people and was occasionally paid for it.  It was a fun creative outlet for me that honed my photography skills and funded a portion of the adoptions of two precious kiddos. 

I was a portrait photographer (families, kids, seniors, etc. - not sports teams) but weddings were hands down my favorite thing to photograph.  I was always a bundle of nerves leading up to the big day. It was a ton of work to make a shot list, create a schedule of the day given time limits and transportation requirements, and then scout the best locations for portraits given the time of day, with back up plans in case of poor weather. But the details were always so beautiful, and it was such a privilege to document such an important event, it more than offset the stress and nerves. 

Kentucky had no shortage of beautiful venues from historic horse farms to old stone churches, rollings hills, and beautiful columned mansions.  But it was really the emotions of a wedding day that I relished.  For the most part they were extremely happy days, with ample doses of sentimentality and nostalgia thrown in.  Christian weddings were the best, when the couple truly honored God in their ceremony and He was a part of the day, and not just an afterthought, from the music and homily, to the prayers and toasts at the reception.  It challenged me on a regular basis to live into my wedding vows and be grateful for Nathan and the wonderful family I came from and married into.  The more weddings I photographed, the more symbolism and traditions I got to see incorporated into weddings as well.  It was interesting to see what aspects of tradition couples kept and what new things they incorporated into their special day.  No two were ever the same.

Imagine, then, the opportunity to attend my first Albanian wedding.  For months we have been anticipating the wedding of Roshi's daughter, and much like weddings in the States, planning starts months in advance. It didn't take long to learn that most aspects of weddings in Albania differ from American weddings down to the process of engagement. 

In Albania, the wedding is a multi-day event, the length of which varies, depending upon whether you are the groom or the bride!  I shared in a previous post that the groom's family celebrates with several nights' worth of dancing at their home to celebrate the arrival of a new daughter.  For the bride's family, the celebration isn't nearly as long, but no less tiring. 

The first day the bride dresses in her gown and will frequently have most of her professional portraits taken.  It's now popular to go to the botanical gardens or the beach or a castle/monument for these photographs.  Come evening, she will return to her family without the groom and the entire community is invited to come and share their congratulations with the bride and her family.  For Blerta, Friday night was the night the community was invited to visit...

We walked up the hill to their family home, following the sound of the music and were greeted with this sight:

(these were all taken on our iPod)

When Ellie saw Blerta standing in the corner of the room to receive her visitors, Ellie was positively giddy.

When Ellie saw Xheni, Blerta's sister in her bridesmaids dress, Ellie started vocalizing her desire to be a bridesmaid someday (nevermind that I told her she'd have to be a lot older to be a bridesmaid).

Nathan and Reni with Blerta's father and brother

I think it's hilarious how I captured Ellie's excitment over receiving a chocolate treat!

Then Xheni came over and told me, "We have another bridesmaids dress, I'm going to take Ellie and let her wear it!"  Ellie was over-the-moon excited, as you can see below.

The open house, so to speak, is an opportunity for the entire community to share their congratulations since the wedding banquet is usually only for family and close friends. I think it's a great way to include everyone in the fun.  There was a DJ playing in the courtyard and those who wanted to dance could dance, or simply sit on a bench and visit with their neighbors.

Ellie with Pamela

We stayed about 45 minutes, then had Ellie change back into her dress before excusing ourselves around 9PM to get the kids to bed.  

The next day, Nathan and I would go and attend the bride's family banquet and the kids would stay with a sitter.  Thanks to the open house Friday night, they were satisfied that they didn't miss much by not coming with us Saturday.  Check back soon to see all the photos, including photos of the multi-course banquet!  The amount of food was rediculous! ;-)

Rejoice with those who rejoice, Weep with those who weep

In spite of new roads, new politicians, new technologies, and a rising standard of living, some parts of life here are more impervious to change.  I'm talking about traditions revolving around major milestones in life like engagements, weddings, funerals, and the birth of new children.

Though we've been moved into our village home for only a month, we are getting a quick initiation into the ebb and flow of the culture in ways that we didn't experience living in Tirana, where folks live practically stacked on top of each other but might as well live miles kilometers apart.

Two days ago I was startled by a horrible wail out in the street.  It was the middle of the afternoon, a time of day my introverted self has come to relish for it's peacefulness.

The afternoons are almost sacredly silent here once summer arrives.  After lunch everyone goes inside and passes out in front of the ventilator (fan) to escape the heat. There are few shade trees in our part of the village, just the occasional fruit or olive tree. Some of our neighbors have artfully crafted frameworks of grape arbors to provide patches of respite from harsh rays in their front courtyards.

As the sun creeps lower towards the horizon, activity on our street picks up. The cool of the evening invites everyone out of the brick ovens of their concrete homes to fellowship with their neighbors and savor cool breezes.  Supper is eaten around 10 or 11PM and sleep comes again around midnight, before everyone wakes at dawn to get some work in before the heat descends again.

They say in the summer, they get two days for every one.

It didn't take long to figure out the cause of the mid-afternoon disruption.  Before long, our street was lined with vehicles, all seemingly centered around our neighbor's home, two doors up. There was a constant stream of visitors coming and going, all dressed in black.  The house that had been the center of a wedding celebration last week was now host to a pall of sadness.  Grandmother had passed away.

Yesterday morning, less than 24 hours her passing, a motorcade of vehicles (carrying all of the men) followed her body over to the village cemetery.  The women followed behind on foot.  It was 95 degrees.

The remainder of Thursday, Friday, and Saturday the family will gather and host guests -- mostly neighbors, but also friends from other communities.  They will be served coffee and cookies, and before leaving, the friend will leave a 500 lek bill (about $5) under the cup as a token gesture to help with funeral and burial expenses.  It's sort of a community life insurance policy.

I happen to know two of Grandmother's daughters-in-law.  Nathan decided to stay home with the children since we didn't know the protocol for visitation.  I decided to go to the home of the daughter who had married Grandmother's youngest son.  It was in their house that she had lived and in their house she had died.  (The elderly always live with their youngest son).  When I arrived I was shown into a sitting room lined with ladies dressed in black.  I expected the mood to be somber, but the women were chatting cordially and I was greeted with smiles (I was relieved because I wasn't sure what to expect from a culture that wears its emotions on its sleeve).  It had been almost 48 hours at this point and while her death was unexpected, Grandmother had lived a long, full life.

Introductions were made around as I met sisters-in-law, cousins, and friends of relatives who happened to already be in Albania visiting for pushim.  I was shown a seat and a young woman I didn't recognize walked to me with a tray holding a tiny cup of Turkish coffee on a saucer with a cookie. When my hostess introduced me, my children's heritage was immediately shared and to assuage curiosity, I pulled out my cell phone to show photos. When fluency fails, show photos.

Before long, I realized there were no men present.  When I asked, "Ku jane burrat?" I was told they were gathered at the home which hosted wedding dancing a week ago.  I wondered who was making and serving their coffee?

After staying about 25 minutes as if by some unspoken cue, the visitors in the room stood up at once to leave.  I followed suit, hugging and kissing my hostess and her family goodbye.  It was a conflicting moment, unable to (yet!) offer words beyond an "I'm sorry".

Tonight we visit another village home, this time to celebrate the marriage of a beloved daughter.  Ellie is excited to see a bride and wants to personally deliver our gift. The contrast of today's occasions can't be more stark, and I can't help but bring think of Paul's words from Romans 12:15, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." What a privilege to live them out here.

Test Run in His New Legs

As his mom, I see these new legs and I admit I'm scared for Reni to try them.  They seem huge.  They look incredibly hard to learn (I can only imagine it's like walking on hinged stilts).  But then I think about Reni's determination to overcome challenges.  His natural athletic ability.  The way he's conquered every other pair of legs he's had before and I know he'll pick it up.

What I'm most excited about his how these legs go on.  I think he can actually put them on and take them off without assistance from us!  That will be the key, I think, to him wearing them like you and I wear shoes.

Nathan planted a seed in his mind. "Just think about it Reni.  When we go back to visit America next summer, how exciting would it be to walk off the airplane all by yourself?"

Reni's going to be getting taller!

We had a great visit to the prosthetics clinic today!  5 hours of driving on curvy, mountain roads today contributed to our decision to spend the night in Tirana instead riding of another 45 minutes in the car to get to the village. The prospect of air conditioning in Tirana when the car's temperature gauge read 38 C (100.4), may have also contributed to that decision.

Unfortunately, my card reader must have been left at our village home so I will post these photos from last week's visit instead.  I can't wait to share today's images and video too so check back soon!  We got to bring his new legs back with us to 'test drive' for a couple of weeks before they make the cosmetic finishes (and any necessary engineering adjustments).  If you check my instagram (above), you can see Ellie trying out his temporary crutches until he gets the hang of things. Meanwhile, enjoy these from last Wednesday:

The one where I dance (gulp!)

This is our neighbor, Drita.  She lives two doors up the hill from us.  I am so glad I was able to attend the women's retreat The Family Church hosted for the ladies of the village in March 2013 because that's when I got to meet Drita for the first time.  

Drita has five girls.  Yes, five girls.  In this culture a son is SO important.  Why?  Because the youngest son is your retirement.  Daughters will be married off and join another family, but a son?  A youngest son?  He stays and lives with you until you die.  He will marry and his wife will take over your domestic responsibilities. You can manage the household, but turn over the more rigorous duties to someone younger. 

After five girls, Drita had her boy.  He grew up then went off to Italy to work and while there he found himself a wife. It doesn't matter that she's not Albanian.  They're celebrating here no differently.  Every night for eight nights the family has opened up their yard and turned on the music for a community party to celebrate that they are gaining a daughter. But last night, rather than waiting for sunset, the music started about 7:00.  We made our way over around 9:30.  The kids were excited to see what all the fuss was about (we could certainly hear it!)

We were greeted at the gate by a man holding a tray of sweet candies, then led by our hostess to seats on the perimeter of the yard.  These photos were taken early.  Apparently the party really pick ups after ten, then carries on 'til midnight or later.

These photos have no way of capturing how very loud the music is blaring.

 Yet Reni was able to do this:

Then this morning he pouted that he missed the wedding! ;-)

Watch this video here to get a real flavor for this place we call home (you might want to turn down your speakers):

But I have a confession to make. You know how people pray, "God, please don't send me to ____ so I don't have to eat ____."  I've never really had that fear (I guess because there's really nothing here that I wouldn't try in terms of food).

No, my fear is a little different.  My fear relates to the way they celebrate here.  It doesn't matter the occasion, dancing is almost always involved and I. Can't. Dance.  No way, no how.  It starts with the fact that I have no rhythm (the metronome was my best friend in piano lessons).   Then add two left feet...Anyway, they make it look so easy and I just feel rediculous.

If you saw the video above you might be thinking, "But that doesn't look too difficult."  It doesn't matter, oh, it's out of my comfort zone.

But, no sooner had we arrived, and I was pulled out on the dance floor.  So what do I do?  I stuff my pride and join in on the fun, of course.  And I even let Nathan shoot a video!  (P.S.  I had suspicions that this might happen so just in case, I wore a long dress to hide my missteps).  My daughter, on the other hand, has no such inhibitions.





I woke up in the middle of the night and I still heard music.  Then at 7:30 this morning, the music resumed, this time with live instruments.  And a couple hours later, this started up:




This was just to pick up the bride and bring her to the groom's home!  Can you imagine the noise when they leave together, married???

Nathan and I just shake our heads and wonder how in the world anyone survives 8 days of wedding celebrations.

Settling In (and some photos that never made it)

Do I say "transition complete?"  Of course not -- I think I lives will always be marked by transition, but this move to the village is pretty much behind us (I caught myself last night for the first time yearning for the ability to walk down to my neighborhood vegetable market in Tirana with all its variety -- I knew that moment would come).

The timing for our move to the village has been pretty good, overall.  Out of necessity, we needed to wait until after we finished summer school.  During the month of August, ministry programs are on hiatus, so the slower schedule has also proved helpful in keeping our sanity when life was starting to feel a little bit chaotic -- like finding the drill bit under all that pile of a mess on the kitchen table. 

Nathan is turning the space under the stairs into a little office space of sorts.

While we still have a number of things in Tirana (mainly off-season clothing and a few more kitchen items), I think we can say now that we are mostly settled in to our new home (i.e. the kitchen table is finally clear!) and it feels good.  Now we can turn our attention to other matters!

Here the kids occupied themselves with a 'taxi' they made out of a box and the base of Mom's new desk chair.

Other matters like hosting!  The last few days have found folks in our home almost every day.  I'm happy that we've had a couple different young women from the village over for coffee one-on-one's.  These are so important for just 'checking in' on heart and spiritual matters.  (Regretfully I've been bad about pulling out my camera, so here is just one photo):

We've also had some friends and acquaintances in the missionary and expat community over (many are curious about life 'in the village' and what's going on here).   While we want to be intentional in cultivating relationships with our neighbors in the village, we have found the missionary and expat community here to be a wealth of helpful information that help the learning curve not feel so steep.  We are all involved in very different kinds of ministries, too, so it's interesting to see what others are doing.  Again, I don't have pictures from every get together, but here's two from Sunday:  

Above and below -- Ms. Tanja reads a Bible story and the children act it out (Jesus calms the storm -- the children are the scared disciples).

I have been working to back up my photos from this year and found some photos from July that didn't make the blog...

This boy is so serious about his coloring.

I love it when some of the 'bigger kids' come to kids club to help out (and craft time usually requires a lot of help!).  I think it goes to show what it meant to them as children when they took part.

So we had another week where the creative juices were not flowing and we played 'hangman' with words from the Bible lesson, girls vs. boys.  The girls were fewer in number but walloped the boys pretty good.

Except Ellie thought 'hangman' was too violent, so we renamed it 'fisherman'.

It will probably be quiet on the blog for a few more days.  We have an appointment for Reni's next fitting Wednesday morning at 10am.  Given the distance, we are going to spend the night at the apartment tonight in Tirana so we can be 45 minutes closer and not have to leave quite so early for Pogradec. 

On our return trip we will pick up some papers that are ready for us to take to the immigration office and submit those, along with a photocopy of Ellie's old birth certificate (yes, we still wait for word that her records have been corrected in the national registry).  As the days roll by, we want to submit what we've gathered so far, so they know we are working on this in case the August holidays delay Ellie's paperwork even longer and jeopardize our ability to get our documents submitted in time.  Thankfully, we were able to get Reni's birth certificate without any issue.

Reni's 5th Birthday Re-Cap

I've felt so bad for over a year now.  I never blogged Reni's 4th birthday (and it was kind of a special one with lots of family gathered to celebrate him). 

It came in the midst of our packing up the farm house, my sister and nieces visiting from Vermont, followed by leaving for a month of training in Colorado.  I thought, I'll do it when we get to Colorado, but no one warned me about how altitude/oxygen deprivation makes one extremely tired.  For the first week we were there, I was cashing in my chips early. Then in subsequent weeks of training I was too emotionally spent (and too behind in homework) to do more than what I had to do for that day.  Then I thought, when I get to Albania, I will do a summer re-cap.  Yeah, that didn't happen either.  SO, before any more time slips by, here is Reni's 5th birthday re-cap!

Reni's birthday was all about him and what we knew he would like!  The village is relatively close to the sea (about 30 minutes from a nice, sandy beach), but in spite of its proximity, we don't go that often. So at breakfast we told him to suit up because we were going to the sea.  And guess who forgot her camera?  We stayed for about an hour and a half (our beach toys hadn't made the move to the village yet), then headed back to Vlash for showers and lunch. 

At lunch we told him that the next part of his day would include a special trip to the movies!  This is a really big deal because we've always made a trip to the movie theater an event.  We don't do it a lot, since not a lot of children's movies come to the theater here (or at least ones that are worth paying to see).  He's been begging to see Planes 2, which we told him didn't exist, but oops!  We were wrong!  We had arranged for his friend Joe to come with us but sadly he got a fever and had to cancel. That was disappointing, but we still had fun, even me who doesn't usually enjoy animated films.  While we were in Tirana we stopped by our old apartment to pick up some more belongings and Skyped with Gigi and Gjysh while he opened their care package.  Again, no photos! : (

At the end of the day we came home to the village and Skyped with Nona and PaPa in Ohio and opened the last of his gifts.  This time I got my camera out, in spite of the fact the table was still covered in bags and piles.  Below, he's showing five fingers for five years!

Nathan wasn't content with decorating a sheet cake.  No, let's cut it up and make a lego car!

All in all, I think he had a great day!  It was just the break we needed in the middle of unpacking and setting up our new home!

To Reni on his 5th birthday

Editor's Note:  I thought I published this on Reni's birthday!  Obviously I don't read my own blog or I would have known this didn't post!  Sorry for the delay.  This was meant to have gone up on Wednesday.

Reni, how can it be that you are five years old? I look at this photo of you and your expression is indicative of the maturing you have gone through during this last year. Several moves, new friends, new country, new language, new life... You ask serious questions, you ponder things and share your thoughts with us.  Lately one of your favorite things to say is, "Actually, Mom, this is how it works..."

I look at you and I can hardly look away.  I never get tired of looking at your sparkly eyes, and the shape of your mouth that can look so different depending on if you're grinning, pouting, pondering, or sleeping. 

I love that you still love to snuggle.  One of your most endearing qualities is your frequent hugs, burrowing your face into our necks and sighing loudly and contentedly, calling me your 'snuggly buggly'.  Your favorite thing before bed is a 'smasher hug' from Dad and ANY time of day you will come up to us, pulling up your shirt asking for a back scratch.  Yes, you're all about touch -- unless it's tickles, then you 'scream like a girl', and you scream well!  

This past year you have discovered a love of Legos and you are so proud of being able to build things all by yourself.  You still love your Hot Wheels and I love that you and your sister can play on the floor for hours with nothing but a handful of toy cars.  And of course, you are ALL boy and love super heroes, good guys and bad guys, police chases... all that typical boy stuff.

In spite of all the karate kicks, the rough housing, and the crashing toys, you are still a sensitive boy with a tender heart.  Always keep a part of your heart tender, Reni.  That's what allows you to feel sympathy and compassion, to see things from another's perspective. 

One thing folks marvel at is your relationship with your sister.  You two are best friends and it pleases your Dad and I that you get along so well.  Sure, you know how to push each other's buttons, but at the end of the day, she is the first one you want to see the latest thing you've built or discovered.

Reni, we love each and every year of life we get to enjoy with you.  While we joke that 'you're not allowed to turn five', deep down inside, we are grateful for another year to see the kind of person you are growing up to be.  God has made you and knows you even better than us.  He has given you gifts and talents and abilities to use for His Kingdom, His Body, and this world.  We are responsible to nurture and help develop those gifts for His purposes and glory, not for ours or for yours. It's a big responsibility but we are so grateful that He entrusted you to us. You are one of God's greatest, greatest gifts to us and we marvel at the way He worked to put us together as a family.

Well, it's a late night.  Your dad has just made an amazing race car lego cake for you.  And now he's wrapping your gifts.  As you went to bed tonight, you had an extra spring in your step and a catch of excitement in your voice. Know that we go to bed with the same excitement because we love you deeply, Reni Boy, more than words can express and are so proud to be your parents.  Mom and Dad.