Our Budding Artist

It's hard for me to believe that when she was 8 years old, she could hardly stand picking up a pen or crayon.

Now this girl can't get enough creative time to translate all the imaginings of her brain onto paper.

Like about any artist I know, she does suffer from a bit of 'perfectionism', and if it doesn't meet her standards, in the bin it goes!

So on a quiet afternoon, after she has finished her schoolwork, chores, and practiced her instruments, our kitchen island transforms into a work station and out come the tools...

Here is a sampling of her personal style...

We love our girl!

There She Goes...

The ladies have continued knitting and two of the scarves they've given me were made on the smaller side for youth.  Who better to model them than my Ellie girl.

I got such a kick scrolling through some of the photos we captured for the scarf site, that I just had to share my favorites... and talk about how she's growing up so fast.

Since Christmas her new front teeth have really come in and change her look so much.  She is growing up in other ways too -- asking to do jobs around the house to earn money for a second bird (though if her first bird keeps squawking as much as he has, she made get a cash infusion from mom and dad for his companion to come sooner and quiet him down!).  

She's especially been putting not-so-subtle pressure on her parents to adopt her another sibling (or 8)!  In fact, she is pointing out her growing independence as a sign that we would have more time on our hands to take on new babies.

Recently Ellie has begun to indicate a growing frustration over her inability to communicate with her Albanian friends.  In so many words she has wondered why Albanian is so much harder for her to learn than she remembers 'learning' English.  As a result she has begun asking why she can't see her American friends and wishing she had more kids in her school. If you think of Ellie, could you pray for her in that area?

Going back to the 'adoption' talk, she's already come up with names for her new siblings.  Currently her favorites are are Russell and Jillian.

I love it that Ellie has such a tender heart for kids.  In particular she expresses concern for the gypsy children begging in the streets.  We've started carrying cracker packets in our vehicle so we have something to give them if they approach us.

Oh Ellie girl.  You exude joy.  You bring joy. We love you so much!

Dear Blog...

Hello Dear Blog,
I have not meant to ignore you. We have some memories to record, but that has taken a back seat to living those moments.  The calendar is flipping faster and faster.  It seems to flip faster when we haven't been home.  But now we are in one place for a nice little stint of 10 days. 
Ten straight days.
To pack up our home.  To celebrate family birthdays. To enjoy special cousins visiting from Vermont.  To pack for a month of training in Colorado.  To pack suitcases for Albania.
To gaze at tasseling corn and ever-taller soybean fields and feel prairie breezes.
To check and re-check lists.  To say goodbyes.  (Surely not yet?)
Hang on.  We'll be back soon (I hope).

P.S. And since every post is more interesting with photos, enjoy Ellie's little shoot after church a few weeks ago, modeling a birthday gift she received from a special loved one who doesn't live close enough to enjoy seeing Ellie wear her gifts.

100% Ellie

Our daughter Ellie is one of a kind.  If you've met her, you know what we mean.  Her imagination leaves us speechless (she is either going to be an author, a screen writer, video game designer, or something in the creative arts).  For waiting until she was nearly three years old to speak, she is now rarely at a loss for words. Ever asking us questions, she is constantly absorbing information and experiences and storing it away in her steel-trap of a mind. We usually marvel at the words she knows, frequently (and appropriately) utilizing phrases she's picked up along the way. Added to that, she doesn't know a stranger.  I love that she's at ease with so many people and helps even the most child-reticent soul feel like he has a knack with kids. It all results in some interesting and often humorous bits of conversation delivered throughout the day by an extraordinarily vibrant little girl.  

While most of the world uses Twitter to share news stories, personal opinion, or links to helpful articles, I primarily use my account to record the funny things our children say.  Until October (when Twitter and Google supposedly went to war), a visitor to our blog could also read our most recent tweets.  Since I no longer can post that feed (which, if you know a way to get it working again, I'm all ears), I thought I'd share some of the funny things that have come forth from the mouth of our Els...

Ellie Quotes

"You know how a cow has three stomachs? I think I have three stomachs today!" Asking for a refill of her cereal refill.


Searching for cereal, Ellie grabs a box of Corn Flakes in joy, only to set it back down w/disappointment. "It's CHICKEN food!   [you know, because of the big rooster on the front of the box]


Ellie: This shirt has stains! I can't wear it. 
Me: we're staying home today. 
Els: You mean no balls or dance parties?
['cause #thatshowweroll]

[Upon realizing that she's due for a visit to the dentist and there's nothing she can do to prevent it ...in the spirit of "An apple a day keeps the doctor away..."]

"Doctors are stopped by apples and fruit, but dentists are tough! Nothing keeps them away!"

"Let's trap some frog and fire up the BBQ!" #elliequote 
Perhaps we've been watching a tad too much #DuckDynasty?

 "I wish it was spring..." #elliequote after making an emergency potty stop on a back country road in subzero temps.



"This is the worst Christmas ever... it'll never come!"#impatient



Me:What should we buy Daddy for Christmas? 
#elliequote: New, fast internet #countryliving #mykidisageek



#elliequote (after viewing an ad for a diet pill) "Does it take a long time to become UN-fat?"

[Considering the fact that being a grown-up may not be all it's cracked up to be...]
"Is "boring" {stuff} 'fun" for grown ups?" #elliequote #shopping

"I don't like goodbyes! My heart hurts! My brain hurts! My LUNGS hurt!" #elliequote

We saw some military personnel just now. Ellie asks, "Do they defeat GIANTS???"

"Reni keeps yelling out my eardrums!" #boysmakenoise

 I'm hibernating. I'll come out and do school in the spring!! http://instagr.am/p/Q-dhB5Mrxr/ 

Sneaking into her old home, Ellie a gives tour to her friends, "Don't you like what I've done to the place? Isn't it  beautiful?" Pointing to @jonboy017 's dog Pixie, "This is Spike and the cat is 'Doggie.'"



Leaving Lexington, KY church today Ellie said, "I felt a little homesick."
[Yeah, we did too, Els.]

_____________________________________

These are just a few of the funny things that proceed from the mouth of Ellie Waggoner since October.  I'm sure she LOVES it that her mom has shared them with the world.  We're just proud of the special, special girl that God gave us in her!  In her ever-appropriate way of speaking, she was the missing puzzle piece!

P.S.  Friends and family, if you have a favorite Ellie quote, feel free to share it in the comments below!

Our Journey to Understanding Ellie, Part 1

Our Beautiful Daughter 

I was recently asked if we had any news on the results of Ellie evaluation at Cincinnati Children's!  It reminded me that I've done a poor job of sharing here what we've been learning this fall in regards to our sweet girl.

Here's a brief recap: Because of a cancellation, Ellie's initial evaluation was moved up from December to mid-September.  The physician didn't believe that Ellie clearly presented as autistic (because her social and verbal skills were relatively strong), but that she may have some language processing issues and sensory needs resulting from a year and a half of crib confinement in the orphanage.  She ordered an austism and language assessment over three different appointments (one in October, one in November, and one in December), with the team coming together and sharing their findings with us in February.

Ellie's testing is complete now and we are more than curious to get the results (which they warned us would be like trying to drink from a firehose).  In the language testing, the only thing we know so far was that she didn't fail the vocabulary test until reaching the age-13 language level!  Attribute that to smart parents (ahem) or more likely, a combination of natural intelligence and living in a community of college students. ;-)  What we're most interested in is her receptive language score as she lagged significantly in this area as a Kindergardener.

During the autism assessment, Nathan (who observed the testing via video feed in a separate room) was initially frustrated by her lack of seriousness in participating in the initial stages of testing.  Ellie has a tendency to use humor/silliness for attention, or, we suspect, when she knows the material so well she finds it boring.  She eventually snapped out of that and finished relatively well.  At one point she had to predict where an object was hidden after several moves under a cover (think the "shell game").  Nathan said that every single time she would guess wrong.  Every. Single. Time.  Given that Nathan does a lot of disappearing magic tricks for her, he suspected that she was guessing wrong to 'save face' for the tester or again, make a game out of something that was 'too easy' for her.  All the while she demonstrated all of her repetitive motions and other quirky behaviors so that the psychologist was shaking her head over Ellie's behaviors which on one hand appear so autistic yet also completely contradict an ASD diagnosis.












































Over the course of the fall between trips to Cincinnati we've been studying the research of Dr. Purvis and her team at Texas Christian University through videos and discussion at our monthly Adoption Support Group (what a blessing, I can't even describe).  In November a few of the researchers at the TCU Child Development Institute came to Lexington to conduct a parenting seminar which we were able to attend.  We found their information so valuable for filling in some "blanks" I've always had in trying to understand the physiological affects of institutionalization on the brains of children, particularly in the crucial first three years.

Ellie's first speech therapist had introduced us to the term "Institutional Autism" in 2007, giving us an older article by some researchers in the United Kingdom.  They reported that between 15-20% of children in E. European orphanages were prone to develop something they called Institutional Autism (vs. organic autism, which at the time they believe couldn't be 'unlearned').  They felt it affected particularly sensitive children and was manifested by rocking, eating/chewing/swallowing issues, and emotional withdrawal -- all of which were manifested in our Ellie (and the % played out pretty accurately in her orphanage's population).  The article gave us hope that these behaviors could be overcome with placement in a family and early intervention therapies, but no "why's" for the causes of this behavior other than that their little bodies were 'self-soothing'.

A few years later I came across a very brief news snippet in Adoptive Families magazine that mentioned that brain scans of institutionalized children revealed enlarged amygdalas (the part of the brain that stores emotional memories), similar to children with autism.  Interesting stuff, but no more explanation.

I could understand why when we brought Ellie home she couldn't walk (no muscle tone from laying in bed all day), could not chew or tolerate solid food or objects in her mouth (no oral stimulation from chew toys, solid food, or eating off of a utensil), and why she had strabismus (nothing but a white ceiling to look at).  What I didn't understand was why all the other sensory and learning issues.  What was it about the early trauma that makes a child more prone to struggle with these things?

This is where the team from TCU provided so many "light bulb" moments for us.  I was calling our parents and spewing back as much of the information we could remember and salvage from our pages of hastily scrawled notes.  For the sake of others who might be interested, I will share my notes, but I believe the information is deserving of it's own, separate post (this one is long enough already).

Suffice it to say, the information explained so much of Ellie's behavior to us.  It made us more empathetic to her fears and anxieties.  It gave us tools for parenting her where traditional parenting techniques just don't work (but only escalate matters to where discipline is not only unproductive, but seemingly detrimental).   It gave us strategies for empowering her to have successful days without meltdowns and assist in her learning potential.  It also reconfirmed that home schooling was the best decision for her particular needs right now.  We are blessed to have discovered these resources for our daughter at this stage in her life.

I embark on posts like this with a bit of trepidation because the last thing I want to do is scare people away from the idea of adoption --  I want so badly to see abandoned, lonely children find homes with permanent families!  These children come from backgrounds of deep, deep loss that leaves an imprint they will always carry with them.  Thankfully, we have a Father who knows, relates, redeems and heals.   In another post I'll explain how some of that healing can take place.  Thanks for reading and hearing my heart tonight!

Wild By Nature

It's Reading Week at Ellie's school and so each day has a theme to correlate with the "Book of the Day".  Today she was supposed to wear a shirt featuring a wild animal (I think the book was, "Where the Wild Things Are").  Our first choice was her Albania flag shirt with the double-headed eagle.  She loves eagles and we thought you can't get any wilder than a DOUBLE-headed eagle.  Alas, to her disappointment we couldn't find it (maybe she's outgrown those shirts?) so Dad thought this t-shirt would suffice.

When she cooperates for a photo with a good smile, I let her make goofy faces for the camera.  Today she just didn't stop, so I thought since they fit with the theme, I'd share them with you... I think you should be able to click on the collage below to enlarge it.

Two quick fun stories featuring the kids ...

ELLIE
Yesterday was baptism Sunday at church.  Since this is the first year that Ellie has joined us for the beginning of the worship service, I think this was the first baptism she has witnessed.  The first several to be baptized were kids, so Pastor Tim, our children's pastor, was in charge.  Unfortunately, Ellie isn't very good using her "whisper voice" so you can imagine some of the questions our neighbors overheard.  Things like, "Why did he put her face in the water???"  When it came time for the adults to be baptized, Pastor Tim exited and our senior pastor opened the curtain and stepped down in a blue choir robe.  Ellie (in typical dramatic fashion) gasped and asked, "Is that JESUS?"  Oh. My. Goodness.

RENI
This morning Reni joined his Daddy to run a few shopping errands.  As is his typical fashion, he (Reni) began making eyes at and smiling at the cashier while she scanned the goods.  His advances didn't go unnoticed.

"He's quite a flirt!"

Nathan responded, "Oh, we know.  We're a little worried."

"Why?  There's nothing wrong with that!"

"But he's going to be 15 some day." Nathan said.

"That's true."  After a moment's thought, she added, "He's gonna have trouble running away from those girls!"

Nathan said it was all he could do not to burst out laughing at her choice of words, quite sure she hadn't seen Reni's lack of legs.  Though who are we to say he won't be running laps around all of us by then!


Check back tomorrow... it's "Rainbow Day" and the kids are supposed to wear as many different colors as they can wear at once. Coincidentally, it's also class picture day.  I might have to purchase this year's class picture.  And a pair of sunglasses.

Thinkin' About Love

Ellie's Valentine's Day cards for her school classmates

Naturally, given the holiday we just celebrated, my thoughts have gravitated to the subject of love.  It's such a basic human need, but one I took for granted in many ways until Ellie became our daughter.  Most of you who visit our blog are aware of the state of social deprivation in which we found her.  I cannot let my thoughts drift to what her life was like in the eighteen months before we met her -- it's too painful.  This weekend my parents were at a retreat in Durres (Albania) and met an individual who tried to volunteer at Ellie's orphanage about a decade before Ellie came to reside there.  This individual reported that the caregivers strongly discouraged her efforts to come and hold babies because "it made their job too much work" -- the babies would come to expect to be held.  Our visit this past summer reminded me what a bleak place it really was.  So quiet.  Too quiet.

2 months before her referral to us (previously unpublished)

Before I knew Ellie, I didn't think about the fact that giving and receiving love is a skill that must be learned and practiced.  Much like one masters skills best when training starts early in life (I think of skills like learning languages, playing instruments, training for figure skating, etc.), learning about love begins at day one!  To start learning about love later is so much harder when one is bruised, scarred, weakened, and handicapped from a starvation of love and affection.

While Ellie has made great gains in learning how to appropriately give and receive love (for instance, we've moved past last year's struggle to restrain her  indiscriminate and inappropriate affection towards strangers), she still carries deep-seated needs that are not immediately obvious to those who don't spend time with her on a daily basis.  It can be exhausting to us when at age 5 and a half she still relies on us to do many things for her that her peers can do for themselves.  Things like going to sleep on her own, sleeping through the night in her own bed, dressing and undressing herself, brushing her teeth, combing her hair, using the bathroom independently (though she has begun to make strides here since Christmas, thank you Lord!), and even feeding herself sometimes.  While this is tiring, I remind myself that for her, a deep need is being met when we care for her in these most basic ways.

When I think about how she came into our lives, I'm left with no doubt of God's intricate work to weave our family together in His way and in His timing.  He knew she need to be raised in a family with two work-from-home parents where she could find the stability and security she desperately needed!  (As her communication has developed we have learned how great is her fear of abandonment still, which breaks our hearts).  Then, in His perfect timing, he brought Reni into our home.  Sweet Reni who came to us in a more emotionally healthy, secure state, so his needs and hers didn't conflict (yet in spite of his wonderful care at the orphanage -- you can still see the difference a family makes, even in him).  Ellie is learning how to love her brother -- and while that is mostly being expressed in a smothering, hovering kind of way, we can honestly tell people that she does not express any feelings of jealousy towards Reni (she has acted out a few times when meeting new people and he gets a lot more attention just for being the cute baby he is, but her behavior doesn't seem abnormal).  We are really proud of her and thoroughly enjoy witnessing their interactions (most of the time :-) ).

Ellie's needs are not as obvious as Reni's and it is sometimes easy to forget.  Of course there are certain things we would never expect of Reni because he lacks legs, yet because Ellie's needs are not obvious, it is a battle not to place unrealistic expectations on her but to remember special ways to nurture and accommodate her while training her to one day lead an independent life.  We got a powerful reminder this weekend when she received a special gift from Nonna and PaPa for Valentine's day.

Both children received special books that have the text read to them when each page is turned, but in the pre-recorded voices of Nonna and PaPa. On the very last page, Mom Waggoner concludes Ellie's book with, "Nonna loves you, Ellie!"  Over the last couple of days, we have frequently found Ellie holding the book and opening and closing it to that last page just so she can hear, "Nonna loves you, Ellie!"  At which point, her face breaks into a smile.  Words of affirmation are her love language!  It has served as a reminder that she doesn't get tired of being hugged and kissed and reminded that she is cherished.

Likewise after waiting 28 months for Ellie to call me "Mommy", I still don't tire of hearing her calls, or receiving her hugs and kisses. When we're alone together she will often tell me, "I love you, Mommy.  I don't love Daddy, I love you."  I know she adores her daddy, but I think she's just trying to tell me that I mean a lot to her in a special way.

So when Ellie comes to our room at 3AM to crawl in bed, we don't turn her away (though it often means that Daddy walks down the hall to sleep in her room).  And when she makes progress in becoming more independent (like putting on her jeans this Sunday all by herself, minus snapping the snap) we heap praise on her and tell her how proud of her we are.

Loving Ellie has been easy and loving Ellie has been hard.  Through it we have learned (and continue to learn) about a love from our heavenly Father who patiently nurtures us, waits for us to receive His love, and longs to hear us express our love to Him.  Parenting Ellie has reminded us that loving and trusting God has to be learned too.  We bring our own wounds and hurts to the relationship, but if we listen carefully to the Book He has given us, we can hear God say on every page "I love you child!"

Found Photo: Els, Age 5

A sign of how crazy this fall has been: I've still only gone through a portion of the wonderful photos Jan took of us in August. Over Thanksgiving I discovered this image I absolutely love of Els. So her ankles aren't crossed, and we hadn't thought yet to remove her shoes but her expression is priceless. Oh how I love this girl. Some days she drives me bonkers but I wouldn't trade her for the world.

(In Jan's defense -- the cropping and editing was done by me!). Check out more of her wonderful work at http://www.janmichele.com!

Our big 5-year-old

The blog has (understandably) been rather "Reni-focused" lately, and I didn't want to leave out Els. She did MUCH better at school Thursday and Friday, according to the reports I received.

This past weekend she was thrilled to have her home full of many extended family members for my Whiteford family reunion. It's so fun to see her playing with my cousins' kids. There are three of them that are five years old, and a three year old who could be five. ;-)

On Saturday the two of us enjoyed some special time together at the pool. We can't wait to go back and visit the pool again but with the boys (Nathan and Reni)! Ellie has grown up this summer doing better at following directions, showing growing independence in many areas, like putting her shoes on the right feet, and more.

Thankfully she's finally 'getting' what we mean by a pretty smile. So I indulge her and ask her to give me some goofy faces after we get the smile shot in the can.

Els, you warmed my heart this afternoon when you said you wanted to stay home tomorrow, "So [you] can be with your mother." I love being with you too!

Pigtails and Piggies

I apologize for neglecting our blog so much these days! Today we debuted a new hairstyle which warranted bringing out the camera. We are so proud of how our girl is growing up.

This spring she has discovered new aspects of nature to captivate her attention. First it was a VERY large earthworm which lived in some dirt in a jar for several days. That was followed by a baby turtle which was snagged on a Kentucky River kayaking trip (who was conveniently fed the giant earthworm). The only 'home' we could provide Ziggy the turtle was last summer's hermit crab container -- which seemed too small for the little guy. Mommy couldn't bear the thought of sentencing an innocent turtle to a shortened lifespan so after just two nights he was released back into his natural habbitat.

Now Ellie is fascinated with a nest outside the kitchen window housing two beautifully blue robin's eggs. Frequently throughout each day she will request we check to see if the birdies are hatching. We caution her that too much attention might scare the momma bird away!

Happy Valentine's Day

Special Delivery

The box was opened with excitement, then a hush fell over Ellie as it began to register what she was holding in her hands. She clutched it to her chest and spun in a circle on our porch exclaiming, "It's SO pretty!" But the bus was coming soon so she would have to wait until after school to don the lovely garment.

After returning home later in the afternoon, she ran quickly to her room and promptly ran back down the hall with her palms upturned and a worried look on her face, "Where'd my pretty dress go?"

We pulled it out of the closet and quickly dressed her. She grinned and grinned at her reflection in the mirror, then she began stroking the smooth skirt. "It's beautiful! It's shiny! Look at the sparkles, Mommy!"

She would proceed for the next couple of hours to play differently than before. Instead of her loud, boisterous way, she walked more daintily, spoke in a more hushed voice, and had a perpetual soft smile on her face. One would think she had worn nothing but rags until the hour she put on that costume dress. Soon enough we had to change back into clothes for the real world (a trip to the grocery store) and she complied, but as soon as we were back home, the dress was back out and on again. And requested again before so much as even a 'good morning' and roll out of bed this morning.

Nathan and I have to marvel at the transformation. (We're still getting used to this new sense of awareness she has assumed regarding her personal appearance.) She has become so "girlie", we can't help but shake our heads at the change. "Night gowns" will be on her Christmas list as she now also requests to wear a 'night time dress' to bed every night and she only has one (but plenty of other kinds of jammies).

To Ellie's benefactor: thank you! I hope you can tell from this recounting how much she loves this gift! You hit the nail on the head!