One of the first questions asked when a baby is born is "Who does she look like?" "Does she have the nose of her father or the eyes of mom?" "Don't you think that forehead looks like Uncle Jack?" I have to admit that most of the time I don't see the family resemblances until much later in a child's life, so I am awful at playing the 'Who does she look like?' game. Looking like your parents is part of what helps make you feel like you belong. My father and I look a lot alike. Recently just for a change, I shaved off my goatee which I have had for 8 years. Reni looked at me and laughed when he first saw my clean shaven face and said, "PaPa!" I am definitely a Waggoner!
One comment we have heard over and over when people learn that Ellie or Reni is adopted is "They look just like you!" And it is true. Elisona especially looks a lot like me. We have a picture from our days visiting her in the orphanage shot from above and even the hairline of her shaved head matched my receding hairline! Albanians joked that we didn't need to wait for her passport, no one would question that she was our daughter! During last summer's trip to adopt David Reni, it was Cydil's turn to hear how much she and our son looked alike. His fair skin-tone makes him 'fit' with Cydil.
Looking like our adopted children isn't why Albania was our country of choice for adoption. We actually expected our children to be much darker and have some of the middle eastern features of the gypsy population that is common in many of the country's orphanages. It is rare for internationally adopted kids to 'look like' their parents. We know more than a dozen internationally adopted kids just here in our small community and none of the others 'look like' their parents. Children from countries like Uganda, China, Russia, Taiwan, Guatemala, Haiti, Ukriane, and Albania make up probably the coolest play group this side of heaven! There is beauty in all of the shades of skin and colors of hair. If you closed your eyes, you wouldn't know that there were any differences at all, but you might also miss what a miracle this group is! None of them chosen or loved because they look a certain way, but because simply because they are a gift from God!
I don't fully know why God placed children in our family from half-way around the word that looked like us. Maybe He knew that Elisona will need that assurance of her identity as our daughter someday. Maybe Reni will feel he looks different enough already with his limb deficiency and find comfort in looking like us in other ways. Whatever God's reasons, we know that if he calls us to adopt again, our child will most likely not 'look like' us at all. We don't know where and when God is leading next, but Albania has all but closed adoptions to the United States, and our hearts are burdened for orphans in places like China, East Africa, and Haiti.
Even though Ellie's playgroup isn't physically similar, the longer they live in their forever families, the more they 'look' alike! Shared mannerisms, values, food preferences, hobbies, and interests replace similar noses or skin tones. They look like Waggoners, Kinnells, Neals, Fredricksons, Haakes,… They fit! They belong! They 'look like' their parents!
So who do you look like? If people were playing the 'Who does he look like?' game with you, would they say, "I see theFather's heart!" "Those hands look like Jesus!" "He has the joy of the Lord on his face!" Would there be any question whose family you are a part of?
It is sobering to think that Ellie and Reni will probably look more and more like Cydil and me as they grow in our family. I pray they only look like me in the areas that I look like my heavenly Father!
