Quick note from Tirana

Sorry I didn't get the chance to write some more of what God is teaching me through these adoptions. Today has been busy between church and preparing to leave tomorrow for Elbasan.

The pastor this morning used Romans 8:1-17 for his text. The last 5 verses or so is where Paul talks about our adoption as sons and our calling God "Abba Father." Those verses weren't the focus of his message, but as you can imagine, my mind camped out there for a while and I will have to admit wandered across the mountains to Elbasan and Reni more than once. If everything goes smoothly on Thursday, next Sunday, David Reni will be sitting in my lap for church! I would love for his first church service as a Waggoner to be in the Albanian language. My mind imagined proud Aunt Vera showing him off to her friends! Pray for our court paperwork to be completed on Thursday, not just so my imaginations about next Sunday would come true, but also because there are still more hoops to jump through between our getting custody and getting his US VISA to come home, and we need all the time we can get to make those appointments happen.

This afternoon was spent Skyping with Cydil and Ellie and getting the apartment ready for a one-year old! The coffee table is moved to the side of the room to give as much safe floor space as possible. I am afraid that the VHS tapes may be too interesting to ignore, but we will just wait and see. I went to Albania's knock-off of McDonalds - Kolonat for supper and ate a 10" pizza for $2.oo I had to sneak the picture below because there is a 'no cameras' sign on the front door. I have a feeling they are afraid of a lawsuit. You can see the outside of one of Tirana's Kolonats on someones flicker account if you (click here). (I could have copied and pasted it, but he listed it as copyrighted, so even though it is a picture of someone else breaking a trademark, I thought I better just link to it) Maybe later I will have enough nerve to take a picture of the front door of the one I visited today. To the left of the 'no smoking' ' no pets' and 'no cameras' sign is written "open 24 hours." Just below that is another sign that says hours 9:00-24:00. You can get a Heniken with your burger if you want. As well as 'chicken chicken' which I think were chicken nuggets of some sort, but I wasn't brave enough to try. The pizza wasn't bad, unfortunately since I was eating alone, the company left something to be desired. :-)

I am anxious to hold Reni again! Thankfully I am feeling 100% right now. Thanks for your prayers! Pray for Cydil and Ellie as they enjoy the last two days of summer together. Wednesday is Elisona's first day of Kindergarten! Tomorrow (Monday) her teacher is coming to our house for a visit to help Ellie in her transition. I don't know if that is normal for Kindergarten teachers, but we are thankful for Ellie's school!

More pictures of David Reni tomorrow! - Good night from Albania!

Adoption Redefines Family

Our first family picture!

Lesson #3

Adoption redefines family

Blood is thicker than water, or so the saying goes. The cultural concept of family is all about bloodlines. Father, mother, sister, brother, even half-sisters and 3^rd cousins twice removed – these all are defined by blood. Maybe that was why it was always hard for me to see the family of God as anything more than a metaphorical family. We are not even ‘really’ half-brothers or sisters, right? We just don’t share the same blood.

Then came Elisona who has shaken up our lives for good in so many ways! One of those ways for me was forcing me to rethink family. Adoption changed everything for her (and us). She of course got a new name and mother and father, but she also inherited a new extended family and heritage! She will always have an Albanian history and heritage. Her physical past can’t and shouldn’t be ignored, but even more important I think, is the Waggoner and vanOrman heritage she now has! She has great grandparents who left their homes to go the back woods of Kentucky to learn how to start and run a Christian school, so they could return to New Jersey and start Bethel and minister to children for more than 40 years! She has other great-grandparents who sailed to Kenya as missionaries and spent decades sharing the Gospel there. Another set of great-grandparents worked hard in central Illinois and raised four Godly daughters whose families are still serving the Lord today! How wonderful it is to get together for family reunions on both sides of our family! What an amazing heritage Ellie and Reni have through adoption!

As blessed as we are with our Godly heritage, adoption has caused me to transcend bloodlines in my thoughts of family. If the Bible is true (and I believe it is), only brothers and sisters in Christ will last into eternity. Human bloodlines won’t matter then. So in a very real sense, my brothers and sisters in Christ are more completely family than bloodlines could ever be. If we trust Christ for salvation, we have been adopted into God’s family! Praise God that my human family is also adopted into God’s family!

That is why adoption is such a great picture of redemption. Ellie and Reni have new names. They are part of a new family. Adoption really isn’t what defines them now. Adoption was the process that made it possible, but not what defines them. Now, they are simply and fully our SON – David Reni Waggoner and our DAUGHTER – Elisona Joy Waggoner. Adoption strips the bloodline definitions. They are brother and sister (not “half” or “step”). They have Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles and Cousins. The genealogy people out in Utah might disagree, but that is how I see it!

And I believe that is how God sees it too. I know that earlier I said that the family of God didn’t share the same blood. That really isn’t true. We all share the blood of Christ! Romans 14 says that not only are we sons of God we are joint heirs with Christ! I believe if the church could really get a hold of the true brotherhood of believers concept we would look very different to the world. The church would easily cross all ethnic and economic barriers. The result would be so counter-cultural that the world would have to stop and notice. What do you think? How would the church look differently if the family of God transcended bloodlines?

Father, help me to continue to see family as you see it. Help me not to be blinded by the worlds definitions, but may our human adoption experience always point to truth or your plan of adoption for the world! And thank You for the godly heritage you have given Elisona and Reni. - Amen

The July issue of Christianity Today had some great articles about adoption and how the church is stepping up world-wide to address the issue. One of the articles "Abba Changes Everything" was especially challenging and encouraging to me, so I thought I would link to it here. It is a little long, but it worth the read!

“Abba Changes Everything”

Adoption is costly...

Lesson #2

Adoption is costly, and the price has to be paid by the father.

This is a fact that I know doesn’t escape many. The number one reason people don’t pursue adoptions after looking into the possibility is the cost. The financial cost IS high and may even seem unreasonable. Homestudys, immigration paperwork, travel costs, costs in country, lost time at work, country fees, more immigration paperwork, post-placement reports…they all add up. When calculating the cost for our first adoption, we discovered that the cost would be equal to a full year’s salary for me! If we didn’t sense God’s call for us to proceed the mountain looked too high.

There are also other costs. Every part of your life is laid bare for others to see and judge. Do you make enough money? Do you have enough smoke detectors? Do you discipline the way ‘they’ think is correct? How well behaved is your dog? Are you on any meds? How do you settle disputes? Is your job guaranteed? Will your health insurance be enough? What is your motivation to adopt? All of these questions are meant to answer one: “Will you be a good father?” And then there is the waiting. The financial costs are paid up front with no guarantees of a successful adoption placement. There is significant risk financially and emotionally. Adoption committees don’t tell you if you ‘missed’ one of their benchmarks. You find out through silence. Every month that passes feels like a rejection of you. Often there are other issues at work, but that is the way it feels. How bad a parent must I be to not be better for a child than staying in an orphanage?

So why would anyone pay the price? Two reasons: Elisona & David Reni! God’s love compelled us and has rewarded us! Our love for these two blessings is overwhelming. It overwhelms all obstacles! After one especially hard day during Ellie’s adoption, Cydil looked at me and said, “Never again. And NEVER in Albania!” But those days pale in comparison to the 3.5 years we have spent with Els watching her grow! When we felt God’s tug again, there was no hesitation – even for Albania. In another post, I want to recount God’s provision that has made both adoptions possible.

So how does this relate to our adoption into Gods family? His adoption of us was and is costly! Philippians 2 tells us that Christ left all of his riches and status to be humbled and ultimately crucified in His obedience of God and pursuit of us. He paid the full price up front with no guarantee of our acceptance. You would think that would be enough to convince the whole world of his love, but we still make God jump through hoops. “Where is God when it hurts?” “Why doesn’t He just fix the world?” “Would a loving God really send someone to Hell?” “He couldn’t love me. Look what I have done.” “I’m good enough without God.” “What about the hypocrites in the church?” And God looks down on each and every person with those questions and His adoptive father’s heart aches. “Don’t you trust that I could be a good father? Do you really want to continue to live outside of the family I created you for?”

Why does God do it? Why did he pay the price and still leave the door open to our rejection of Him? Two reasons: You & Me! His love for us compels Him! He longs for you to call Him Abba Father! There is no obstacle to big to stop his pursuit. He believes you are worth it! Isn’t that amazing!

Abba Father, thank You for paying the price for me to be adopted into Your family! As an orphan, it was impossible for me to pay the required price but even before I said ‘yes’ to You, You had already paid for my adoption! Thank You! - Amen

At the risk of all of you skipping the text and jumping right to the video, I decided to post a couple of 'old' videos of Reni and Ellie from a couple of weeks ago. Enjoy!

A father's thoughts on adoption

During these next few days when I won’t have much ‘news’ for the blog, I have decided to write some of my thoughts about what God is teaching me through the process of adoption. Hopefully this won’t just be content filler. I welcome your dialogue with me. Anyone who has talked with me in person about adoption will know that I am at no loss for words, so to keep these posts short enough that they might possibly be readable, I will try to stay on one point per post. I will also be writing mainly from the perspective of a father because that is my perspective. Know that this process is a 100% team process and without Cydil’s common heart, we wouldn’t be here now. My hope is that by the end, I will learn even more about God’s adoption heart and that the same can be said for you.

Lesson #1

God is a Pursuing Father

Did you ever consider the fact that there is no such thing as an ‘accidental’ adoption ? Adoption always requires intent and pursuit. An adoption never occurs without intentional action by the parents.

I am Wesleyan in theology, but I think sometimes my Calvinist brothers have a better grasp on this truth. If God didn’t first pursue us, we would remain orphans. It doesn’t matter how badly an orphan wants to be adopted, he or she has to rely on someone else to start the process. This doesn’t relieve the orphan of any responsibility. Any orphan old enough to choose has to decide to accept the gift of adoption. There are some that are too comfortable where they are or maybe too fearful of the unknown, and they choose to remain orphaned, but the vast majority when clearly presented with the choice, choose family. But the fact remains, without the father’s pursuit, there is no change in status from orphaned to adopted.

The human adoption process is almost always lengthy. There are months if not years of pursuit before a face or name of a particular child is identified. (I will spend another post about more of the process) But for me, the referral is the transition from the decision to pursue adoption to the pursuit of ‘my’ child! I can clearly remember the day of our referral for Elisona. Within minutes we were joyously sharing the news with family and within an hour, her picture was hanging on our fridge! 3 ½ years later, Reni’s picture hung on the same place. At this point the waiting became unbearable! We had to have them in our arms. We wanted them in our family. We would move mountains to make that happen!

But the pursuit didn’t stop there. We had to leave our comfortable home and go to where they were. We spent time earning their trust even before the legal process of the adoption was complete. But part of the pursuit is the bringing home. We would never have been content to leave them where they were. No! We are their parents, and they need to be at home with us! And even then the pursuit doesn’t stop. As all good fathers, it is my desire for my children to continue to grow and reach their full potential. We rejoice with every milestone Ellie reaches. There was a period of time when Ellie entering Kindergarten at age 5 looked doubtful, but on August 11^th Ellie starts her new school with her peers – Glory to God! Reni has his own challenges ahead, but we have already seen God’s hand at work in him and know that He has a special plan for our boy!

In the divine reality of our adoption into the family of God, God chose immediately to pursue. God’s first words to Adam and Eve after the fall were “Where are you?” He was pursuing them. Christ left his home to come to earth and become flesh so he could pursue us. But even more amazing to me is that His pursuit is not just a general pursuit, He is pursuing us each individually! He has YOUR referral picture on His fridge! If you are reading this blog and you haven’t been adopted into God’s family yet, He is pursuing you! Maybe even through this blog post! He is longing for you to say ‘yes’ to Him and accept His gift of adoption! If you have been adopted into the family, praise Jesus, but he doesn’t want to leave any of us where we are! He celebrates with each step we take in becoming more like Him.

Thank you God for your pursuit of me! It is my position as your son that gives me the ability to pursue Ellie and Reni. Help them to early know Your pursuit of them as well! - Amen

Checking In From DC

It's strange to be 'on the other side' and read Nathan's blog from Albania. Ellie and I are in fresh clothes, crashing at my friend Jan's home. Wow, what a respite. I don't know where we would be without this break in travel. I can't describe it.

I was a bit apprehensive about traveling with Ellie all by myself, but she was doing so well (we had a 5 hour layover in Vienna followed by a 9.5 hour flight to DC) that I kind of let my guard down and began to believe we'd make the rest of the trip without any hiccups. We were really enjoying each others' company and having fun. In spite of her own tries to go to sleep during the flight, she didn't succumb to sleep until the last 30 minutes of the "long" flight. By the time our row was exiting I could barely get her to wake up, much less walk on her own accord. She started crying. And didn't stop. For over an hour. Talk about frazzled [me]. She wanted me to carry her, but I had a backpack of my camera gear (which was way overweight), plus her backpack of books and activities, and another pack with my laptop and our change of clothes. At one point in time in line for passport control, I just kicked two bags across the floor while I carried her. Her weight was worth the break in tears.

I won't go into my thoughts on Dulles' insane practice of having 2 separate passport/immigration terminals depending on if you're connecting to another flight or if DC is your final destination. (DC was not my final destination, but unbeknownst to me initially, the agent in Tirana only checked my bags through to DC -- I had to drag a sobbing child back and forth between shuttles until we could figure out on which one we belonged).

Perhaps you can understand my relief that I'm sitting by a fan, freshly showered, with a snoring Ellie on the couch and Jan has just arrived with Thai food from our favorite Thai place in Arlington (our little tradition). We have a couple of hours before we leave for Reagan National and our last flight home. I'll check in again when we get in (sometime after midnight)! Thanks for your prayers!

Saying Goodbyes

Always the hardest part of any trip like this is saying goodbye to the people and places you love. I know one of Cydil's regrets for this trip was not being able to say goodbye to the workers and caregivers at Reni's orphanage with my malaria relapse forcing us to cut our time in Elbasan short. Thankfully I will be back on Monday and will have a week to express our gratitude.

Yesterday afternoon we had to say goodbye to Kerri as she traveled back to Elbasan. Cydil, Ellie and I stopped for coffee one last time together at the Fame coffee bar where we had rested several times earlier this trip with Gigi, Nonna and Pappa, Teza Vera, and Kerri. From there we visited Vera's shop to say goodbye and went to dinner with Fredi to do the same.

This morning we said our hardest goodbyes as Cydil and Ellie headed back to Kentucky while I stayed here in Albania. Pray specifically today for Cydil and Ellie as they travel. They have a couple of long layovers and of course some long flights. Els did great coming, and was excited to get started this morning, but Cydil has a lot to handle on her own today! Thankfully, our friend Jan is going to pick them up in Washington DC and take them back to her place for the layover there.

There will be 18 days before we will be together again. During those days in Kentucky, Cydil's Whiteford family reunion will come to Wilmore, Elisona will start Kindergarten, 350 new freshmen will arrive at Asbury, and many other smaller everyday things will keep them busy!

My 18 days will start a little slower with a few more days here in Tirana and then several days with Reni at the orphanage before we get custody on the 12th. Then I too will be pretty busy with a final stretch of appointments leading up to hopefully leaving as now scheduled on Sunday August 22nd.

Walking in our neighborhood to say goodbye to Teza Vera

I'm not sure who was squeezing harder, Ellie or Vera.

Ellie promised to carry her own backpack through all of the airports today. Mommy will have to give a report when they are back in KY.

Ellie loves 'Uncle' Mondi! He is great!

Does anyone else think Ellie may have grown another inch on this trip? She is getting so tall.

4 AM goodbyes are the worst! I already miss you Cydil and Ellie!

Tirana Sunset

Tonight after supper we enjoyed a beautiful evening up atop the SkyTower/Vodaphone Building for coffee. Ellie was beside herself with excitement to see a "spinning restaurant".

Sorry we look like we're radio active.

This is a little better.

Kerri and I

(below) view to the south. The Hotel President rooftop was where we ate our anniversary supper (see post dated 7/18/2010)

(below) view to the north
These photos make the distances between locations appear farther than they actually are. We can walk from our apartment to the center of town in about 15 minutes.

This afternoon we had an appointment at the embassy and were able to confirm that we will be able to bring David Reni home on a passport with his birthname. That means that we will not have to wait until the adoption decree is issued and released (on the 12th or 13th) to apply for a new passport with the "Waggoner" name but he can travel on a pre-existing passport. This will save us several weeks! Just a week or so ago, we were making plans for Nathan to return to Albania around Labor Day and fly back to the States with my mom on September 18. Now our plan is to have Nathan stay and bring Reni home, probably around August 20 or 21! We are awaiting some itineraries from our travel agent and will share those plans as soon as they are confirmed. We are positively thrilled with this turn of events.

We were able to gain this special permission for health reasons. The cause of Reni's birth defect is yet to be determined. Our pediatrician has expressed that external anomalies (like limb deficiencies) can be related to a syndrome and indicative of internal anomalies (organ-related). We haven't shared this on the blog because we are optimistic that his health will check out and his needs are simply mechanical (his growth, cognitive, and motor skills all appear on track). Our optimism seems to be confirmed by Reni's development, but we don't want to take anything for granted.

Ellie continues to long for Kentucky ("Tentucky"). We think she can sense that the end is near. Toys at home seem a whole lot more fun than the toys we have available here. She's even tried to cheat the "two sleeps til we leave" by napping. Hopefully we can confirm Nathan's travel tomorrow. It will be hard to leave him for two weeks, but we're so excited that when he returns, it will be with a little boy in arms!

Fun Signage in Albania

This has been a quiet day here in Tirana, so we though we would break out some fun photos from our time here. We hope they bring you a smile! We have an important embasy appointment tomorrow. Hopefully it will make our plans for bringing Reni home clearer. Thanks for your continued prayers!

Don't get your hair cut here.

Military intelligence

My type of Fitness Club. Couch potatoes welcome!

Means "I love de SPAR" the local grocery store, but that is not what I read.

I'm not sure I have the capacity to understand this sign.

If you guess what it is...it's free!

When a Red Bull is simply not enough!